QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST PRESS RELEASE EVER

I don't normally write in caps, or use all caps for titles.

This post is the exception - I had to grab your attention to what is quite possibly the worst press release ever written. Ever.

I received this pile of junk last week and in the spirit of what follows, OMG. What you are about to read will make you want to stick pins in your eyes.

Are you ready?

"TEXTCHX - Text Message Marketing: A New Way of Advertisement

A good look at how TEXTCHX text message marketing has allowed small, & medium sized businesses to highly target customers & keep them coming back to purchase. Also, showing how this tool directly boosts brand awareness in the mind of the consumer.

(I-Newswire) June 15, 2010 - Text message marketing is a new innovative way of getting your business’s products and name out there. Almost everyone has some sort of text message service. It’s just ingrained in our culture. We want to be able to quickly send and receive messages to keep us up to date with what’s going on in the world around us. We get news, weather, social networking sites updates, we can vote on our favorite soft drink or American Idol star…almost anything—within reason—can be done with text messages!

As a business, you can benefit from a new form of advertisement. But what is this type of advertisement? What does it do?

Mobile text advertising is a wonderful way of sending your customers updates and new deals that are going on at your establishment or company. It’s easy—not a lot of people go without their cell phones. You can reach them anywhere and tell them all about your awesome new business, your deals, or whatever else you have to offer. Almost every major company supports text messaging marketing.

With sms marketing software, you simply choose a keyword, and your advertisement is sent out to a subscriber. Someone who is texted is more likely to read your message than someone you contacted over the phone, email, or any other media methods. You can also choose between local, statewide, country wide or even international markets. Imagine being able to reach customers EVERYWHERE! In Hong Kong, Baton Rouge, London, Brussels, or even Algiers!

But the text messaging advertising isn’t just limited to text messages. There are also options including mobile internet and app advertising.

Say you’re a dating service and your contract includes a mobile app that a lot of single people use. Maybe there’s a guy. He’s twenty-ish, not bad looking, but extremely shy. He doesn’t know where to start, poor thing. He wants to get out, see people! He knows he’s a lady’s man on the inside. He just has to find it!

Then, he sees your advertisement—thanks to your text messaging software—and decides he’s going to give it a try. He does—and discovers he LOVES your dating service. So he texts all of his friends and tells them all about it, earning you even more customers! All because of one little advertisement."

ENOUGH!

Whoever wrote this needs to be spanked and sent back to Grade 3. It's precisely this sort of crap that gives the PR industry a bad name.

Not to mention that the company is about 2.5 years too late to the party.

I just re-read it, I need a drink!

Oh, and Happy Tuesday.