Dear
Airlines and Loud Mobile Phone Users,
On
a recent flight home to Miami, I had the unpleasant experience of seeing the
mobile phone future unfold in the seat right next to me. Suffice it to say, I
didn’t like what I saw one bit, and even less what I heard. A thoroughly
annoying git, who, for love nor money, would not put away his phone, despite
complaints from his fellow passengers. Instead, he chose to pollute the cabin
airwaves with his loud, inane jabber and nonsensical information – information
that certainly could have been saved for a more appropriate location. Like his
office. Or better still, underwater.
Since
the dawn of mobile technology, much has changed. “Brick” phones that looked
like, well, bricks, morphed into wallet-sized flip phones. And thanks to RIM’s now
almost extinct Blackberry (and later Apple, Android and Windows), our phones
have grown “smart.” The mobile web is ubiquitous and whether you’re deep underground
in some subways in Tokyo, or standing atop Mount Everest Base Camp at 17,598
feet, chances are you’re never far from a reliable cellular signal.
But
one thing has remained unchanged. When you board any aircraft, you are reminded by
the flight attendants to “please turn off
your cell phones and other electronic devices as we prepare for takeoff.” Minus
a few stragglers, the din of human voices soon settles and the thrum of engine
turbines powers up. Wrapped in an auditory cocoon that shuts out the world, passengers
have passed their inflight boredom by watching movies, playing video games,
fiddling with their mostly-dormant phones, reading books, getting buzzed, catching
up on emails, dozing off, or maybe doing a little shopping via the inflight
store.
But
if the Federal Aviation Administration has its way, as it hinted at
in August 2012, passengers may soon be able to use their mobile phones to make
calls during the flight. Before that fateful day arrives, I wanted to go on record
loud and speakerphone clear, and say that I think this is a poor decision.
A
very, very, poor decision.
In
the name of progress, convenience and peace to all humankind, turning on mobile
phone capabilities inflight will undoubtedly turn one of the modern world’s last
bastions of relative quiet into a place of chattering, annoying, and like the
flights themselves, nonstop
conversations. Make no mistake, I’m not a Luddite on the ground. But can’t we all
just go on in ignorant bliss believing that mass mobile phone use would crash
planes?
Sadly,
no.
While
a recent article haply pointed out that since
2008, passengers on United Arab Emirates flights have made approximately
625,000 inflight mobile calls with only two official airline complaints,
somehow I’m not buying that “official reports” are an honest measure of p’d off
passengers. So, please, to my fellow flyers, I beg of you, when the time
finally comes when five-hour flights allow five-hour calls, consider this
heart-felt plea: muzzle your mobile and
keep your mouths shut!
And
to the airlines: please, please, please
don’t do it.
Signed,
Luddite
in the Sky
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